I don't panic

I don’t panic. I don’t fall apart alone in my dark room surrounded by the quiet mess that’s accumulated over the short period of time that I haven’t been too stressed out to clean it up. I don’t breathe with gasping starts and feel my lungs trying to give up while my heart isn’t beating in cut time trying to keep me alive from a danger that isn’t there. I don’t pull my hair or push push push against my skull and I haven’t scraped the flesh on my arms so raw it bleeds. I didn’t punch a hole in the plaster beside my bed that I avoid looking at. I don’t beat my hands against my thighs because I’m trying to remind myself I’m alive. When my lungs finally remember how to breathe I don’t cry or feel like a helpless child who just broke down alone in the darkness of his room. I don’t curl up as tight as I can and try to sleep through the adrenaline rush. Most importantly, I don’t wake up in the morning more tired than when I fell anxiously to sleep. I don’t panic. I don’t.

http://lusciouspuppetass.tumblr.com/post/79609656920/i-dont-panic-i-dont-fall-apart-alone-in-my-dark